Christmas Market in Basil, Switzerland December '19

My daughter, Mum and I visited Basil in Switzerland in December 2019. We visited  markets in Switzerland  and France. We had a wonderful, carefree time. Three generation's; marvellous.  My Stoma had been very well behaved- no accidents and I was at a point where I forgot about it. 

How I long for that carefree time. Now I am bogged down with depression and I am a cardboard cutout of the person I was then.

Everything is an effort, the meds I'm on make me tired and listless. I have no motivation or drive. This illness, for me, is far worse than the cancer. This illness steals my essence and my identity. Unlike with the cancer I have no fight in me. I hope for a future, I hope for a new life. I grieve for the person I was. I hardly recognise this feeble, sorrowful woman I have become. I pray she comes home to me.

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